True Blood - Notes for Alan and Charlene.

I am a fan of the Vampires. I just want to say that now.  I have been for quite awhile.  It all started when  I discovered The Lost Boys as a teeny tiny teen  - I went to see it 3 times in 1 week. I own it now, along with Near Dark, Kathryn Bigelow you rock ! Anne Rice, we laughed, we cried, well we cried when Tom Cruise was cast as Lestat in Interview w. a Vampire. We cried even more when we watched  Queen of the Damned. Actually there wasn't alot of laughing with you Anne but I loved all the homoerotic beautiful angsty vamps.  Of course I heart Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Joss Whedon is my homeboy. And my hero.While Twilight is utter pants. Vampires that sparkle in the sunlight - dear god that's just wrong, on so many levels. And The Vampire Diaries, well it's 90210 with fangs.

So now I have established my vampire loving credentials. I have to have a wee whinge about True Blood. I like it, I do. Sometimes I even love it. And I never miss an episode. But now that we are in Season 4, there are some things that have been bothering me that I need to address. Charlene Harris and Alan Ball will you please take the stand.

Firstly Charlene, as this is your fault entirely. Why do you kill off great characters?

Originally Lafayette is killed off after the first book.

Lafayette ??!! The bestus character in that show and no not just coz he's gay. He's beautiful, cool, interesting and totally fierce (I would never normally use that word being such an unhip middle class white chick) but in this case I think it's warranted. Whipping some hillbilly arse with a baseball bat and the serving of the "AIDS" burger to some more rednecks, fabulous. There are an awful lot of rednecks in Bon Temps and that is why we need Lafayette's mix of glam, ghetto and voodoo chic to balance things out. 

Thank you Alan for saving him.

Not so lucky was Godric who committed sun suicide in Series 2. Godric was a 2000 year old vampire that had reformed and gone all holy. He made a nice change from all the blood drenched fucking and feeding. AND he's Eric maker which means he's the only person Eric had to obey. I know Godric needed to die to make Eric  more sympathetic but I'm sure Alan, if you'd really tried you could have found some way around it. Couldn't he have just gone on long holiday, perhaps to a yoga retreat or to start a cult of vegetarian vamps?

*SIGH* At least we have flashbacks.

Secondly and here I'm not sure who's to blame,Charlene? Alan? Who doesn't kill off dull characters that have outlived their usefulness?

Sam for example. He had his glory moments in Season 2 with the wonderfully mad Maened Marianne and as Tommy's rescuer in Season 3. But now with Mr Calvin Klein aka Alcide as the the new "manimal" on the block, Sam is way redundant.  His only useful function as far as I can see is to run Merlottes, a staple set that TB could not do without. But he could leave half in his will to Tommy (love that nasty little runt) and half to Terry (love that sweet & crazy man) which would provide much opportunity for conflict and new storylines but leave the bar intact. So please Alan B, kill Sam off now.

Thank you "Hotel Tuesdays" for summing him up so perfectly.

Thirdly and here I know it's you Charlene. You can't hide from me. Why the bejesus is everyone in love with Sookie?

Sookie quite frankly is not all that. Ye - ah I said it ! (Whatcha gonna do hookah?) But she's not! She's not as beautiful or badass as Tara, not as beautiful or conflicted as Jessica and not as beautiful or deadly as the late Vampire Queen (another great character that bit the dust) RIP Sophie Anne. Sookie is in fact a rather wet mixture of sweet 80's and sassy 50's. I just don't get the appeal.

Why does she spend her whole life in love triangles? Or even love quadrangles.
Season 1 - Bill & Sam.
Season 2 - Bill & Eric.
Season 3 - Bill & Eric still , but enter Alicide.
Season 4 - Eric and Alcide. Is Bill still hangin on?
Season 5 - Eric and Alcide and probably no Bill, someone new will have come along.  Eric has been around for 4 triangles already, hey fella, give somebody else a go. (Not that I'm complaining about Eric )

Love triangles? Oh puh - lease, these have to be the most  overused and the MOST unimaginative device to create dramatic tension since the beginning of time (see Twilight, no don't see it coz it's lame) True Blood has decent characters with interesting, funny and freaky storylines so it doesn't need to stoop to this hackneyed device. Is it supposed to be some female fantasy Charlene? Coz it sure ain't ripping my nightie. I guess though, it's necessary to make romantic adjustments over time so the readers/watchers don't get bored of Sookie getting pounded by the same tired old vamp, wolf, thingamy wotever. But I do get so bored of being pounded by the same old romantic love triangles.

Fourthly and lastly ( bet you thought it would never end) What's with the ratio of hetty to homo sex?

And Alan the blame is squarely at your door, as YOU are the creator of the TV series and YOU have the power.  Even with the censorship laws and uptightness of the TV networks, Alan you must try harder ! You managed it in 6 Feet Under and True Blood  is aimed at much more "open minded " aka dodgy audience, so what the hell gives?!
Sookie took 2 sips of Eric's blood and then had long extended dream sequences of naked nookie time with Eric (not complaining ) BUT Lafayette drank about a pint of Eric's blood and only had small creepy dream sequences with zero Eric nookie. Lafayette mentioned in a throw away line to Sook that he had "weird sex dreams about Eric" which is not only bad exposition but why did we not see these weird sex dreams with LaLa &  Eric ? Hmmmmmmm??!!! Now complaining. Complaining VERY LOUDLY!!!

More, more, we want more !!!

Then  it took 3 whole seasons for Lafayette to even get a boyfriend! And now that he has, their sex life is all soft lighting and dressing gowns and tender romantic moments while the rest of the cast go at it like rabbits.Can you smell a double standard? Alan I demand equal amounts of rough shagging time for Lafayette and Jesus! Coz they're both way more beautiful and chemistried up than some of the annoying folks we have to watch do it. Not naming any names - Bill and randoms, Sam and randoms. Jason and everyone. All. The. Time. (Even before it was funny)

Hey I didn't put the silly heart there, it came that way.

So what have I learnt?
Nothing new. Same old, same old. I am sick of love triangles. And I'm sick of double standards. Heaps of naked women but god forbid we should see a stray penis. Grow up America ! I demand more hot gay sex or I will hold the last season (thank gawd it's the last) of Desperate Housewives hostage!  Please hire me to exec produce on Tru Blud immediately so I can make the necessary changes...Yeah Right.

Misfits 1 & 2 - the Ecstasy & the Agony

Misfits, Series 1 blew my mind but Series 2 broke my heart. The ecstasy of series 1 and the subsequent agony of series 2 has left me to this day, deeply scarred and wondering what went wrong? The writer/creator didn’t change, the directors didn’t change and none of the main characters left.  The kind of pain that Series 2 inflicted is not usually experienced till after Series 3 when the writers run out of fresh ideas and/or the characters leave school. (A series that starts in school, should stay in school. Watch Buffy  if you don’t believe me)

So Misifts, is about teens, I am horribly addicted to teens but especially Brit teens (As in Shameless & sometimes Skins) as they are always doing more sex, drugs, and swearing (in better accents)  than their clean and shiny Yankee counterparts. Plus the soundtrack is bound to be better. So 5 teens shoved together doing community service is tasty enough BUT struck by lightning and given freakish super powers, then my cup overfloweth!

My particular faves, the obnoxious pretty boy.                               

Bad Sweater but look at that skin, that hair, those eyes.

And the tough chick who won’t take any shit but is an inner softy.

And there was  more than the token black person. Alas there was no token gay boy but such was the brilliance of Series 1, I didn’t care. If you know me, you know this is HUGE !!! I consider it a prerequisite that at least one person (of either gender) is gay. And in an ideal world two, not including love interests and randoms.I know, I know, I’m living in a dream world…

               Alisha               Curtis                    Kelly                    Nathan                  Simon

All the characters on Misfits 1 were damned appealing because they were hapless and real and unheroic. They had great cast chemistry & tension even without their superpowers. The powers themselves were erratic, weird and mostly unfun. Misfits 1 stayed away from the superhero clichés, there was no big baddie to overcome, no creepy government organisations to elude, no world saving, no media coverage, and no cheesy time travel. (Time travel was exceptionally uncheesy)
It brilliantly mixed Sci Fi/Action with Drama/Comedy. It was dark, tense, crass, touching and fucking hilarious in a way that has never quite been done before. And maybe (*SOB*) never will be again.


And then came series 2  (Drumroll of doom and Spoiler Alert)
The whole thing went down the toilet. Cheesy world saving, naff heroism, naff time travel, naff media coverage & even a naff super hero costume joke.

 

Unlike the first season which explored each character and their powers more deeply in a single episode, Series 2 just has a different ‘baddie of the week’ and it becomes (excuse my bad pun) increasingly weak. The group becomes separated from the “real” world. Killing by accident or in self defence, no longer has any consequences so much of the tension, humour and believability (Is that a real word? ) is lost.

Kelly & Curtis just stagnate. Nathan becomes so obnoxious he ceases to be likeable or even pretty. He becomes a gross out caricature (which would be fine but this is not The Inbetweeners) and loses his vulnerable side.  In one “amusing” (NOT) episode twist, he thinks he’s in love with a boy. I should have been over the moon at this faux gayness but I didn’t even enjoy it a little bit coz by then, Nathan  is beyond the pale. See pic below..

Not even a little bit sexy.

Sexual tension that had been set up between  Kelly & Nathan goes nowhere AND sexual activity with future cool hero Simon and party girl Alisha comes out of nowhere.

So there is a now a Future cool Simon + a Present day nerdy Simon  which =  naff heroism and  naff time travel that makes my brain hurt. And when future Simon has to go, hotstuff Alisha falls for weird present day Simon which is totally unbelievable. Plus they miss a massive opportunity for humour and disbelief from the rest of the gang, it is just blithely accepted. Alas they are no longer much of a gang, as less time is spent on the group dynamic and more on their separate & lame storylines. By the Xmas episode, I was weeping into my gin, I mean tea. But I might as well have downed a whole bottle of gin for all the misery Series 2 caused me.

And series 3 is still to come. Part of me hopes that it could rise again like a phoenix from the ashes  (hey it happens, look at Greys Anatomy) but more likely it will drop to new lows especially as Nathan aka Robert Sheehan aka the pretty white boy is departing for a big movie career.

I don't hold out much hope for his career, as he was in this AND it was SHIT ! And he was SHIT in it! And don't be fooled by the suggestive poster, it’s about as raunchy as an episode of  Gilmore Girls. In fact Gilmore Girls is dead sexy when compared to this movie. (Rupert Grint was OK though, so fans of his need not be worried about his post HP career, he will be alright.)






But will I be alright after the further agony that is Misfits Series 3? I can't not watch it. That would be like turning away from a car crash (actually I find it quite easy to turn away from car crashes I am very squeamish) but not TV programmes that I used to love. Exhibit A -  I watched ALL of Skins 5 which was total and utter shit ! The demographic of 16 - 25 years olds were driving away in droves but not me, I hung on through 8 epsiodes with barely a glimmer of light in the hope of these two tortured and beautiful characters hooking up.

Franky and Matty

Matty and Franky

And they did. They fucking did! Exquisitely so !!

So what have I learnt from this?
NEVER watch anything live. Always, always always be able to use the fast forward button.
And that I will hang in there with any series even if it is on a downward slide into pantsville if there is one or two beautiful pieces of eyecandy. Even more so if that eyecandy is going to hook up. I am a sucker for the angsty eyecandy. (Not a sucker of, coz that's just getting weird...)